I've moved

I thought I told you - I've moved.

thingschadlikes.tumblr.com

It's a much better platform for me spew my bullshit.

January

Read books, not tweets.
 
2011 Oscar Nominees
"Omg, he's going to give his opinion on the movies this year, like anyone cares."

Shut up, it's my blog and I'll do what I want. My predictions:

Best Picture: Out of the 65 that were nominated, the one about the lesbian who turns into a duck looks promising. So does the one about the lesbian parents. Or "Toy Story 3".

Best Actress : Meryl Streep in whatever movie she was in this year.

Best Actor: Mark Zuckerberg

Best Supporting Actress: Jane Lynch

Best Supporting Actor: The coffin from "Buried"

Best Animated Feature : Shrek 4

That's all I'm really qualified to comment on.

Snubbed. But there's still the Grammy's.

Deactivating Facebook
Partly because I'm paranoid about Big Brother keeping tabs on me and partly because I became disturbed with how much time I was wasting, I let go of my facebook account. Its been pretty liberating for the old head potato. Where my mind was being occupied by pithy statuses, it's now taken over by quotes from "Jersey Shore". I used to be obsessed with pictures from parties and weddings I couldn't make it to and now, I can commit myself to living vicariously only through television. Instead of getting my news from posts on friends' walls, I'm now disturbingly ignorant of current events. I'm no longer fettered by an insane desire to know 25 things about people I haven't talked to since high school. Mark Zuckerberg no longer has his billion-dollar-propbably-soft-as-hell hands on my soul.

Thank God for twitter though. #AmIright?

This picture itself is tempting me to reactivate.

Raven-Symone not stopping ever
Remember the precocious girl from "The Cosby Show"? No, not Rudie. The other one that got the show on Disney Channel and could see into the future and then got the TV-movie franchise about half-woman, half-cat hybrids "CheetahGirlzzzz". Well, despite Culture's best effort to make her fall into obscurity, ABC Family has picked up a new show starring Raven called "The Great State of Georgia" about a struggling actress trying to make it in NYC. I'm really hoping its a musical-comedy because "Glee" really needs some competition. And I cannot WAIT for sassy, black woman one-liners. "Oh no you dih-int, Hollywood Foreign Press Association."

"You heard what I said, Cosby."

Trivia
Nothing makes you feel more alive than playing a game of Trivial Pursuit.
The thrill of knowing what an apiarist is and screaming at your friend's face is indescribable.
But euphoria is followed by a subtle, thunderous rage at how your "friend" is okay with robbing you of your pie-pieces, the tangible representation of your four years at a university.
But later, after you've spent considerable time stewing in resentment and building a small Keystone Light pyramid, you are fielded a Sports & Leisure question for the win.
Your face flushes with embarrassment.but only for a second because soon you realize you know the answer.
And after bellowing loudly, "Eva Longoria" from the netherest of your regions, you stand, a monument to knowledge and culture, a buoy in a stormy sea of the illiterate and banal and give a hearty "Suck it" to everyone in the room.

Initially named "Wheel of Death"

Vegetables
Apparently, eating vegetables is good for you.
My new favorite thing is grilling asparagus, green beans, snap peas, onion, mushroom, and green pepper in olive oil.
Or try the Terra chips that look like potpourri cause they aren't bad if you're absolutely starving.

Vegetables - approved and endorsed by the Bible.

Currently Reading: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen - Novel about a traveling circus set in Depression era starring Edward Cullen and Reese Witherspoon

Currently listening: Colin Hay

On a serious note, please remember in your thoughts and prayers the soul of Tony Arredondo, who passed away on January 28.

I'm back

It’s been brought to my attention that I haven’t been posting enough things.

Truth be told, I haven’t had a reason to – not much to like these days.

•          “Glee” has been a giant disappointment ever since Finn and Rachel broke up.
•           The Winter weather is proof that the 2012 is approaching and we’ll all be dead soon.

To make up for it, here's an extra long list with shorter descriptions. It's like Hannukah but without the Maccabees. 

These are things I really really really like right now.

Beyonce not being pregnant

She’s not pregnant. There’s still a chance for me. So…. Not much else to say.

Such a tease.

Stefon

It’s like that thing when Bill Hader on SNL recommends what to do in New York City, which is inevitably the latest club characterized as a “coked-up gay Candyland” by Seth Meyers. It’s fun to see how long Hader can last without laughing. Here’s one of his best:

Lookbook.nu

The facebook for clothes. Inspired in part by the “Sartorialist”, it’s a collection of different styles inspired and photographed by regular rich kids like yourself.

Fair warning: overwhelming amount of hipsters. You can almost make a drinking game out of every time you see a fedora, oversized sweaters from a thrift store, and bow ties.  Drink two if you feel bad about yourself and/or the clothes aren't from this century. Finish your drink if you see a picture of someone walking through a field for no apparent reason.

You wish you were this chill.

Daryl Wein’s “Breaking Upwards”

Indie movie about the real breakup of the actors who play themselves in the movie. Andrea Martin is in it and the dialog is witty without being all “Gilmore Girls” pretentious. Not that I’ve ever seen “Gilmore Girls”, I’ve just heard Alexis Bleidel is really pretentious. Daryl Wein won the Grand Jury Prize at the Brooklyn International Film Festival, as well as Best Narrative Feature Film, and the Audience Award at the Little Rock Film Festival. Favorite part of the movie: the Sader meal wherein Wein’s character’s mom ruins everything. A picture of how dysfunction and co-dependency can make you really really happy. (I'm just kidding - that's literally impossible.)

Jewish love.

Cranktexts.com

The new prank phone call. Theo Von, stand up comedian and general neer-do-well, texts a random number and sees what kind of mischief he can get into. Von doesn’t discriminate against his victims; every age, creed, color, and race get pranked and Von is clever enough to know how to piss them all off. Categorized by theme, my favorites are the “Requested by” in which visitors to the website can ask Von to crank text a friend and provide him with extra information to really embarrass the target. You’ll also find the random images he pulls off of Google to disguise himself hilarious (he likes fat chicks and juice heads).

Don't respond.

Girl Talk’s “All Day”

A 70 minute mash-up encompassing every song you can ever think of. White it’s impossible to listen to the whole thing in one sitting, just pick a spot to start in the song and play until you can’t dance anymore (or until you develop epilepsy). The only negative is that I have yet to hear a Bieber song on it. Girl Talk is a mash-up artist from Pittsburgh who puts on outrageous shows that I have yet to attend. He can’t sell his music commercially because none of it is original material. I have no idea how to tell you to download it yourself, but if you’re hip enough, he’ll find you.

His laptop is wrapped in Saran Wrap to protect it from sweat at his shows.
He's that great.

Also, stay tuned* for a dating guide by my colleague Nick Willcox and I.

We know everything about the subject so it’s a valuable font of information and how-to’s.

*Probably not going to happen because we're both super busy with other things and we barely ever work on it.

Next up - Christmas things I like. 

Only if I have time and I don't get distracted.

November

"Gone Baby Gone" - Raise your hand if you haven't seen "Gone Baby Gone". Now use the same hand to smack yourself in the face. To avoid ruining the movie, I won't give any major plot points or thematic elements away. Nonetheless, see the movie for these reasons:

1.Amy Ryan as a coke-addict.

2. Ben Affleck as director completely redeems himself from "Gigli" and "Daredevil" and "Paycheck" and "Jersey Girl" and "Surviving Christmas" and "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Man About Town".

3. Morgan Freeman.

4. Losing any standard of morality that you thought you had.

See. this. movie.

Suiting up: Nothing gives you a false sense of superiority like wearing a nice suit where a nice suit isn't necessary. Thanks to Barney Stinson (played by Doogie Howser, M.D.) from "How I Met Your Mother", suiting up has led to multiple puns and even a Suit-Up Day on Facebook. Suiting-up is  not meant to be a joke and an attitude of intense apathy toward the non-suited must be donned as well. When asked why you're so dressed up, simply shrug and walk away while sipping on anything other than beer. And if you see other suited-up brethen, simply pass along a knowing glance. But do not speak to them. At all.

This is the goal.

Unnecessary cab rides: Sure you may have a car to drive. But getting a taxi to take you home is fun, an opportunity to meet someone new, and saves you gas*. Also, it's the only legitimate reason to yell "CABS HERE" in a crowded social setting. Otherwise, you're just a douche.

The voice of our generation.

*Dependent on cab fare.

Diana Agron's blog:  Click here to read it.

Posted a picture in my last entry. The Southern Belle is essentially a living, breathing Disney princess. Not to mention she's well-read, talented, and a little dorky (the perfect mixture of woman.)

Sigh.

_______________________________________________________________________

 And I'll leave you with Chilean miner Edison Pena singing "No Tesla" on Letterman:

Click the picture: 

It's been over a month since my last update.
Reasons for my lack of posts:
lack of internet (which I like a lot, ironically)
Jersey Shore
work
exhaustion from the above three.

Fear not.
New posts are forthcoming.

For now,
enjoy Dianna Agron:

check out her blog: http://felldowntherabbithole.tumblr.com/

More Stuff

Teen heart-throbs in "real" roles: Efron and DiCaprio are best bro's. They seat court side at Laker's games, probably talk about the biz, and then, I'm assuming, share a bottle of dry Riesling while watching old Corey Haim movies. It's a poetic match since DiCaprio already lived Efron's life (well, sans singing and dancing and guyliner). As a former teen heart-throb himself, Leo knows exactly what Mr. Bolton is going through. And now long graduated from Disney High School, Efron is trying to be smart about his choices. He's said in several interviews (not that I follow him or anything) that he really respects and admires Leo and he really hopes to follow along the same career path. It's a little like watching a toddler put on his daddy's suit coat and dress shoes and try to walk around Hollywood. Before St. Cloud, Efron starred in the screen adaptation of Robert Kaplow's book Me and Orson Welles. He played Richard, a high school student struggling with the demands of theater. What a stretch. But Efron's not the only one. Edward Cull- sorry... Robert Pattinson has been trying on different shoes as well. He got his breakthrough by playing a sensitive, effeminate, brooding vampire. But while he was in the midst of receiving accolades for Twilight, Pattinson decided to go for it as a serious actor. Playing the genius Salvador Dali is probably pretty difficult but Pattinson really pulled off the sensitive, effiminate, brooding qualities of the Surrealist painter. 

Bottom line: It's about time for Hollywood, nay - AMERICA to look at these young men as legitimate thespians. What's next for Efron and Pattinson? Efron is in rumored to play Jonny Quest. You know - that cartoon character from the 70's. And Pattinson is working on finishing up the Twilight saga. Just a matter of time before one of them plays Macbeth.

"So just be real with me, brah... The top falls over at the end, right?"

Vanilla Vodka and Coke: My favorite drink for the longest time has been the Gin and Tonic. It's classic, it's refreshing, and it makes you really, really angry. But as much as I love sending the requisite apology texts after a night at the bar, I'm getting a little tired of the G&T. That's why I recommend to you all Vanilla Vodka and Coke. Not expensive, really delicious, and none of the crippling emotional side effects that you get with gin. Only con is that it's kind of a bitch drink.

Russia meets America. (in a good way)

Maggie: What? I'm not going to not post adorable pictures of my niece.

Justin Bieber: Face it. He's talented. And if you haven't heard "That Should Be Me" yet, you're an idiot.

Danced to hard. I can totally relate.

I Still Like Things

Sorry. Haven't liked anything in awhile, but now I do.

IKEA As-Is Section - While I consider Zurich to be the mouth of Hell (they know what they did), you can never go wrong with the quality craftsmanship and aesthetic design of the Swiss' home decor and textiles. Walking through the professionally designed, well lit display rooms can be both relaxing, and at times, cathartic. And people don't know IKEA stands for something real. Literally - "Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd Agunnaryd". (I didn't care enough to research what the words mean.) It has been marked with its share of controversy: slave labor, political insults, and the most offensive - changing its logo typeface to Verdana. Assholes. Nonetheless, these snafus aren't enough to deter young adults all around the world from spicing up their living spaces with hip lamps and plywood shelves. Even I must admit I have bought a few choice pieces from the Wal-Mart of Pier 1 Imports. My favorite buy? A down comforter from the As-Is section for $25 (originally $80.) Before you check out next time, stop by the shady room off to the side for the marked-down merchandise that can't be sold in the regular store. Sure, there are no returns and some of the stuff may not be in ideal condition, but its 2010 and the unemployment rate is still uncomfortable. And besides, that bookshelf will look BOSS against the exposed brick in your studio apartment.

Obama's so hip.

 Kristen Schaal: You probably know her from "Flight of the Conchords" but Kristen Schaal is the girl who creeped you out in high school and is now the hilarious (still kinda creepy) woman taking over comedy. She had a negligible role in "Dinner with Schmucks" but her stand-up is brilliant. Check her out killing it on Letterman.

Not Tina Fey.

Bookends: How many times do your books fall over? So annoying. Buy some book ends:

They're kind of pointless because literally no one reads anymore. (I use "literally" figuratively.)

California Pizza Kitchen Oven Pizzas: The best oven pizza sold in stores. I recommend the Margherita and Sicilian. Stay away from the Spinach Artichoke. But honestly, the best oven pizza. I just can't recommend them enough. Usually I only buy them when they're on sale at Wal-Mart because the things are seriously not worth $7.

Suck it, Tony's.