I'm back

It’s been brought to my attention that I haven’t been posting enough things.

Truth be told, I haven’t had a reason to – not much to like these days.

•          “Glee” has been a giant disappointment ever since Finn and Rachel broke up.
•           The Winter weather is proof that the 2012 is approaching and we’ll all be dead soon.

To make up for it, here's an extra long list with shorter descriptions. It's like Hannukah but without the Maccabees. 

These are things I really really really like right now.

Beyonce not being pregnant

She’s not pregnant. There’s still a chance for me. So…. Not much else to say.

Such a tease.

Stefon

It’s like that thing when Bill Hader on SNL recommends what to do in New York City, which is inevitably the latest club characterized as a “coked-up gay Candyland” by Seth Meyers. It’s fun to see how long Hader can last without laughing. Here’s one of his best:

Lookbook.nu

The facebook for clothes. Inspired in part by the “Sartorialist”, it’s a collection of different styles inspired and photographed by regular rich kids like yourself.

Fair warning: overwhelming amount of hipsters. You can almost make a drinking game out of every time you see a fedora, oversized sweaters from a thrift store, and bow ties.  Drink two if you feel bad about yourself and/or the clothes aren't from this century. Finish your drink if you see a picture of someone walking through a field for no apparent reason.

You wish you were this chill.

Daryl Wein’s “Breaking Upwards”

Indie movie about the real breakup of the actors who play themselves in the movie. Andrea Martin is in it and the dialog is witty without being all “Gilmore Girls” pretentious. Not that I’ve ever seen “Gilmore Girls”, I’ve just heard Alexis Bleidel is really pretentious. Daryl Wein won the Grand Jury Prize at the Brooklyn International Film Festival, as well as Best Narrative Feature Film, and the Audience Award at the Little Rock Film Festival. Favorite part of the movie: the Sader meal wherein Wein’s character’s mom ruins everything. A picture of how dysfunction and co-dependency can make you really really happy. (I'm just kidding - that's literally impossible.)

Jewish love.

Cranktexts.com

The new prank phone call. Theo Von, stand up comedian and general neer-do-well, texts a random number and sees what kind of mischief he can get into. Von doesn’t discriminate against his victims; every age, creed, color, and race get pranked and Von is clever enough to know how to piss them all off. Categorized by theme, my favorites are the “Requested by” in which visitors to the website can ask Von to crank text a friend and provide him with extra information to really embarrass the target. You’ll also find the random images he pulls off of Google to disguise himself hilarious (he likes fat chicks and juice heads).

Don't respond.

Girl Talk’s “All Day”

A 70 minute mash-up encompassing every song you can ever think of. White it’s impossible to listen to the whole thing in one sitting, just pick a spot to start in the song and play until you can’t dance anymore (or until you develop epilepsy). The only negative is that I have yet to hear a Bieber song on it. Girl Talk is a mash-up artist from Pittsburgh who puts on outrageous shows that I have yet to attend. He can’t sell his music commercially because none of it is original material. I have no idea how to tell you to download it yourself, but if you’re hip enough, he’ll find you.

His laptop is wrapped in Saran Wrap to protect it from sweat at his shows.
He's that great.

Also, stay tuned* for a dating guide by my colleague Nick Willcox and I.

We know everything about the subject so it’s a valuable font of information and how-to’s.

*Probably not going to happen because we're both super busy with other things and we barely ever work on it.

Next up - Christmas things I like. 

Only if I have time and I don't get distracted.

November

"Gone Baby Gone" - Raise your hand if you haven't seen "Gone Baby Gone". Now use the same hand to smack yourself in the face. To avoid ruining the movie, I won't give any major plot points or thematic elements away. Nonetheless, see the movie for these reasons:

1.Amy Ryan as a coke-addict.

2. Ben Affleck as director completely redeems himself from "Gigli" and "Daredevil" and "Paycheck" and "Jersey Girl" and "Surviving Christmas" and "He's Just Not That Into You" and "Man About Town".

3. Morgan Freeman.

4. Losing any standard of morality that you thought you had.

See. this. movie.

Suiting up: Nothing gives you a false sense of superiority like wearing a nice suit where a nice suit isn't necessary. Thanks to Barney Stinson (played by Doogie Howser, M.D.) from "How I Met Your Mother", suiting up has led to multiple puns and even a Suit-Up Day on Facebook. Suiting-up is  not meant to be a joke and an attitude of intense apathy toward the non-suited must be donned as well. When asked why you're so dressed up, simply shrug and walk away while sipping on anything other than beer. And if you see other suited-up brethen, simply pass along a knowing glance. But do not speak to them. At all.

This is the goal.

Unnecessary cab rides: Sure you may have a car to drive. But getting a taxi to take you home is fun, an opportunity to meet someone new, and saves you gas*. Also, it's the only legitimate reason to yell "CABS HERE" in a crowded social setting. Otherwise, you're just a douche.

The voice of our generation.

*Dependent on cab fare.

Diana Agron's blog:  Click here to read it.

Posted a picture in my last entry. The Southern Belle is essentially a living, breathing Disney princess. Not to mention she's well-read, talented, and a little dorky (the perfect mixture of woman.)

Sigh.

_______________________________________________________________________

 And I'll leave you with Chilean miner Edison Pena singing "No Tesla" on Letterman:

Click the picture: 

It's been over a month since my last update.
Reasons for my lack of posts:
lack of internet (which I like a lot, ironically)
Jersey Shore
work
exhaustion from the above three.

Fear not.
New posts are forthcoming.

For now,
enjoy Dianna Agron:

check out her blog: http://felldowntherabbithole.tumblr.com/

More Stuff

Teen heart-throbs in "real" roles: Efron and DiCaprio are best bro's. They seat court side at Laker's games, probably talk about the biz, and then, I'm assuming, share a bottle of dry Riesling while watching old Corey Haim movies. It's a poetic match since DiCaprio already lived Efron's life (well, sans singing and dancing and guyliner). As a former teen heart-throb himself, Leo knows exactly what Mr. Bolton is going through. And now long graduated from Disney High School, Efron is trying to be smart about his choices. He's said in several interviews (not that I follow him or anything) that he really respects and admires Leo and he really hopes to follow along the same career path. It's a little like watching a toddler put on his daddy's suit coat and dress shoes and try to walk around Hollywood. Before St. Cloud, Efron starred in the screen adaptation of Robert Kaplow's book Me and Orson Welles. He played Richard, a high school student struggling with the demands of theater. What a stretch. But Efron's not the only one. Edward Cull- sorry... Robert Pattinson has been trying on different shoes as well. He got his breakthrough by playing a sensitive, effeminate, brooding vampire. But while he was in the midst of receiving accolades for Twilight, Pattinson decided to go for it as a serious actor. Playing the genius Salvador Dali is probably pretty difficult but Pattinson really pulled off the sensitive, effiminate, brooding qualities of the Surrealist painter. 

Bottom line: It's about time for Hollywood, nay - AMERICA to look at these young men as legitimate thespians. What's next for Efron and Pattinson? Efron is in rumored to play Jonny Quest. You know - that cartoon character from the 70's. And Pattinson is working on finishing up the Twilight saga. Just a matter of time before one of them plays Macbeth.

"So just be real with me, brah... The top falls over at the end, right?"

Vanilla Vodka and Coke: My favorite drink for the longest time has been the Gin and Tonic. It's classic, it's refreshing, and it makes you really, really angry. But as much as I love sending the requisite apology texts after a night at the bar, I'm getting a little tired of the G&T. That's why I recommend to you all Vanilla Vodka and Coke. Not expensive, really delicious, and none of the crippling emotional side effects that you get with gin. Only con is that it's kind of a bitch drink.

Russia meets America. (in a good way)

Maggie: What? I'm not going to not post adorable pictures of my niece.

Justin Bieber: Face it. He's talented. And if you haven't heard "That Should Be Me" yet, you're an idiot.

Danced to hard. I can totally relate.

I Still Like Things

Sorry. Haven't liked anything in awhile, but now I do.

IKEA As-Is Section - While I consider Zurich to be the mouth of Hell (they know what they did), you can never go wrong with the quality craftsmanship and aesthetic design of the Swiss' home decor and textiles. Walking through the professionally designed, well lit display rooms can be both relaxing, and at times, cathartic. And people don't know IKEA stands for something real. Literally - "Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd Agunnaryd". (I didn't care enough to research what the words mean.) It has been marked with its share of controversy: slave labor, political insults, and the most offensive - changing its logo typeface to Verdana. Assholes. Nonetheless, these snafus aren't enough to deter young adults all around the world from spicing up their living spaces with hip lamps and plywood shelves. Even I must admit I have bought a few choice pieces from the Wal-Mart of Pier 1 Imports. My favorite buy? A down comforter from the As-Is section for $25 (originally $80.) Before you check out next time, stop by the shady room off to the side for the marked-down merchandise that can't be sold in the regular store. Sure, there are no returns and some of the stuff may not be in ideal condition, but its 2010 and the unemployment rate is still uncomfortable. And besides, that bookshelf will look BOSS against the exposed brick in your studio apartment.

Obama's so hip.

 Kristen Schaal: You probably know her from "Flight of the Conchords" but Kristen Schaal is the girl who creeped you out in high school and is now the hilarious (still kinda creepy) woman taking over comedy. She had a negligible role in "Dinner with Schmucks" but her stand-up is brilliant. Check her out killing it on Letterman.

Not Tina Fey.

Bookends: How many times do your books fall over? So annoying. Buy some book ends:

They're kind of pointless because literally no one reads anymore. (I use "literally" figuratively.)

California Pizza Kitchen Oven Pizzas: The best oven pizza sold in stores. I recommend the Margherita and Sicilian. Stay away from the Spinach Artichoke. But honestly, the best oven pizza. I just can't recommend them enough. Usually I only buy them when they're on sale at Wal-Mart because the things are seriously not worth $7.

Suck it, Tony's.

Soulpancake.com

Soulpancake.com :  Founded in 2009 by Rainn Wilson (Dwight from "The Office")Soulpancake is an online community aimed at asking and answering life's big questions. Questions range from age-old philosophical queries like "Who is God?" to simple creative activities challenging users to "Paint Your Hate." While there are a bevy of pseudo-intellectual hipsters attempting to convince themselves of their own atheistic beliefs, it seems there is a certain contingency of enlightened people out there. The emo-girls with the fake Ray-ban glasses lament their daddy issues, the young future Ted Hughes's always answer in blank verse, and just about everyone thinks they're right about everything.  And while a lot of the questions can't be answered with a few quick sentences, they do provide for some serious thinking and contemplation. If nothing else, it provides good entertainment for an underwhelming workday. Check it out here:

Anyone can now publish terrible poetry.

Alexander Wang Tees : Somehow Affliction is still making money off of their tee shirts. Its probably largely due to the fantastic fist-pumping douches on "Jersey Shore". However, Alexander Wang's new line of men's and women's tees are like the direct antithesis to tight fitting "vintage" tees. Deliberately pulled to give an out-of-bed feel, the shirts are designed to be comfortable and wear resistant. Unfortunately, the pieces of shit are upwards of $70, making it impossible for me to buy one. Thanks to today's Do-It-Yourself style options, you can probably by an XL and stretch the hell out of it, ultimately giving you the same effect. Oh, and insert Alexander Wang joke here.

$70 for this bullshit.

Cinnamon in coffee: Coffee is good. Coffee laced with cinnamon? Exponentially better. Not even going to pontificate on this. I usually just sprinkle some in to my cup but I hear you can actually add the cinnamon into the coffee grounds before it starts brewing. Literally, the only thing better than this is probably cinnamon added to beer.

It'll feel like you're on "Friends"

Watching people trip: You're having a bad day. You see a guy trip. You're not gonna not smile.

Enjoy this video.

I Heart Kristen

"Garth & Kat": Fred Armisen & Kristen Wiig's holiday singing duo during SNL's Weekend Update is one of the best new sketches the show brought out last year. While its the show's tendency to overkill everything with potential, "Garth & Kat" has inherent staying power since its 100% improvisation. It also helps that Wiig and Armisen have tremendous chemistry.
Why I like it: Jimmy Fallon's inability to keep a straight face during sketches: irritating. Wiig and Armisen laughing unapologetically at themselves: adorable. And Kristen, if you ever see this, marry me.

Watch the video here:

Bro Names: My personal favorites, in no particular order: Broseidon, god of the sea; Mario Bropez, Brover Cleveland, Dan MarinBro, Bronan O'Brian, and his nemesis, Jay LenBro. Just to name a few.

Asian Food Court Workers: The effort they take to advertise is admirable. Not only are they pleasant in accosting passersby but their tactics usually work. After one of their samples of orange chicken, I'm usually always sold and they laugh at The Great Steak and Potato Company all the way to the bank.

"How We Are Hungry" by Dave Eggers: A book of new and previously published short stories by the screenwriter of  "Where the Wild Things Are" and the memoir "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius". My favorites: "Notes for a Story of a Man Who Will Not Die Alone", "She Waits, Seething, Blooming" and the acclaimed "After I Was Thrown in the River and Before I Drowned"   Published in 2004 (ISBN: 1-932416-13-7)  The title says it all.

Yay Everyday: Check it out here.

 
Seriously Miss Wiig, marry me?

Movies, Videos, Books, and Beer

RedBox Movie Rentals: Drive up. Pick a movie. Pay a dollar. While the movie selection isn't that great (Lindsay Lohan's "Labor Pains" is somehow always an option,) you really can't beat the price. Only $1.00 and no nasty rental store employees judging you for wanting to see "When In Rome" again.
Why I like it: It's completely idiot proof. Unlike a rental store, the omniscient machine keeps its record on your bank statement, tacking on a dollar a day for 25 days. And for the record, paying $25 for "Valentine's Day" isn't worth it unless you're an idiot. For the fools thinking to replace the DVD with some other disc to cheat the system, the code on the redbox DVD's won't let you. It's a full proof system RedBox has going on. Unless someone tried to copy the barcode on the original... then its like, "Free DVD!"

 Jake & Amir: Webisode series from collegehumor.com - I can't tell if Jake really hates Amir in real life or if he's just a really bad actor. Either way, the two comedy writers recently won the Webby People's Voice Voice Award for Best Comedy Series on the Internet, and deservedly so. Check them out here:

Actual books: I was wary of books-on-tape but enough is enough.. this new fad of digital books is equivalent to replacing music on CD's. I'm still waiting for the iPod fad to pass. Regardless, technology like Kindle or the nook takes away all the grandeur of reading an actual book No library smell, no pretentious book store employees, and obviously no color pictures*. Fact: the kindle is destroying Johannes Gutenberg's legacy.

*If Kindle updated to a color version, I'm totally in.

Magic Hat's Summer Sampler: I'm not a beer snob by any stretch of the imagination. I keep to Budweiser and maybe opt for the Great Lakes Elliot Ness every blue moon or so (see what I did?) However, I do declare myself an avid fan of the Magic Hat Brewing Co. I recently bought their Summer Sampler Pack and was instantly smitten, and consequently inebriated. Featuring the classic No. 9, Blind Faith, Odd Notion, and (my personal favorite) Wacko - the sampler pack is delicious at a barbecue, around a camp fire, or just drinking yourself to sleep on a balmy summer night. The only one I warn you against is Blind Faith, an I.P.A. boasting a 6.2 ABV and a bitterness factor of 60. Opt for the Wacko instead, a summer beer with 4.5 ABV and bitterness registered at 14.5. It's really crisp, not too hoppy, and just really refreshing. The other two are also really good but I'm not kidding - Blind Faith is disgusting.

The Angus Third Pounder (especially the Mushroom and Swiss)

McDonald's Angus Third Pounders: Their first new sandwich since the Big N' Tasty (also a personal favorite), the Third Pounders weigh in at  770 calories and only 360 of those are from fat! Naysayers may scoff at the succulent heart-clogging half-cow burger but I say let them eat cake!  It offers 88% of your daily protein and if you're feeling like a fatty, opt for the side salad instead of the fries. It totally makes a difference.

Note: I don't recommend it for the summer as the hot weather coupled with the sandwich will probably make you want to kill yourself.

Why I like it: You can tell that McDonald's cares about this sandwich because you have to wait extra long every time you order it. Also, I always feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds (Miley Cyrus). You get the convenience and efficiency of a fast-food restaurant with the class and quality of an Applebee's.

(http://www.dietfacts.com/html/nutrition-facts/mcdonalds-angus-mushroom-swiss-third-pounder-100percen62069.htm)

Other things I like:
EpiPens - What's more badass than having an allergic reaction and then stabbing yourself Daniel Craig style?
The baby from "Toy Story 3" - Just seems like a tortured soul.

Ellie Kemper's writing: She plays crazy secretary Erin on "The Office" and writes hilarious essays for McSweeney's.

Introduction

Like all post graduate students, I've decided a blog will help give me some sort of purpose.
So instead of commenting on the socio-economic effects of the World Cup in South Africa or the burgeoning career of Ke$ha, I'm just going to let you know about the shit I like.

First up: McDonald's Third Pounders - especially, the Mushroom and Swiss.